Spalking in Toonerisms.

We’ve been knocking around the idea of spending a whole day using as many spoonerisms as possible; for the uninitiated, spoonerisms are when you have a couple of words, or a phrase and you swap around the sound of the beginning of the most important words. For example, I might say we are spending the day stalking in toonerisms. 

FYI The Revd Spooner was a rector at Oxford University and was well known for getting his fotten words ruddled on a begular racist. He described ‘the Lord’ as ‘a shoving leopard’ and Victoria as a ‘queer old dean’. 

He was furious at one of his pupils, who had been mucking around, not getting his grose to the ninestone and, the Reverend felt, had ‘tasted the entire worm’. 

So to Sparriner Moonerisms; we were on a drong lyve to the other side of the Island to pop off some drosters for a forthcoming workshop, when Sam announced we should lorm our own fangwidge. That way, other people wouldn’t understand what we were saying or lie we were warfing.

I thought it was a good idea and then my wynd mondered to my stomach and dinner. I asked if they would like Mangers and Bash or alternatively, home made Not Poodle washed down with lashings of Binger Jeer. I was even prepared to knock up a Crapple Umble if they were willing to make the Curds Eye Bustard. We settled on the silly chosages, measey chash with keys and parrots.

By the time we arrived in Yarmouth, it was mid afternoon and the bright bun made me slink. I felt swot and hetty but needed to get the lobs on my jist ticked off. It was just as well we had left the dairy hogs at home as they would have wan-ted all the pay.

It’s a funny thing, but once you start, you just can’t stop. It’s like something in your main goes brad. You unintentionally wop swurds and all of a sudden you are rawlking tubbish. If only it were as easy to spurn Lannish or leak Spatin. I’m sure I would have been much more chew ant in fly knees. 

Spoonerisms have a cousin. Malapropisms; so called after a character in the play The Rivals. A malapropism is when a speaker mistakenly inserts a similar sounding, but different word that leads to comic effect and much guffawing. For example, a rolling stone gathers no moths. The prince of Malapropism was former U.S. President and general half wit, George W Bush.  

“It will take time to restore chaos and order,” he said, although I’m not sure it’s fair to mock the conflicted. 


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